Office Versus Shawshank Prison- Its Redemtion time

(Its something I wrote 2 years back after a pretty screwed up day at office. Its nothing but my version of office life compared to one of my all time favourite movie- 
The Shawshank Redemption.. :P )

Life is like they take you for life and in the course they take your life away. The outer world seem alien to u.Its like you are here for a while and that’s a thought that just stay for a while.Its more of a prison  than a beautiful world I would have ever dreamt of.I hated it.I didn’t wanted to get into it.Tried to have bare minimum communication with everyone but in course of 2 years suddenly I have developed love for my work.I have started looking a life in here.I have started loving part of my job.Then I think why the hell it is so.Because I know I cant survive in the outer world anymore.coz I know the world around has changed in multidudal pace.I am no more required there.I fear that world, more than I feared myself here ever.I am nothing outside at this point of day while here I might be thought of as a learned man.I might have created a niche for myself here but, in that world I know I don’t stand.on’t stand a chance even to survive.

Some times when I see the things around here I feel like changing them.Sometimes with a simple smile, sometimes with a little politics, sometimes I feel like it has changed a bit but most of the times I understand that this rock is too hard to push.Its stuck there.But ultimately the system has diluted me, my agonies, my fear, my pains,my dreams, everything that was there in me.I have started loving this loneliness.This emptiness makes me work better.I dont feel that urge to communicate with the outer world that often and most of the time feel like dodging it off. Sometimes by words that can make people off from me, sometimes by a bit of mockery, Sometimes by just saying or doing silly things. Because I want everyone outside to hate me before I again start loving myself.coz I just wanna stay with the system and for that I want only this system to be there who can take care of me.Nothing else comes and goes by my side.I hope that hope don’t stay by my side anymore because hope is a dangerous thing and that can make me go insane.Hope can only make me remeber those good times I cannot get.Hope can only make me chase dreams that I can only chase but not cherish.Then I think why I have been here.Just to chase few dreams , dreams that made me chasing dreams that were never mine and when I see things around here I feel no one is innocent around here..A breed of highly qualified intellectuals who are worse than crooks and politicians when it comes to playing foul games and doing politics.Every time a new one comes to this circus with dreams. I see him entering with an enthusiasm to do something to change the world around him and soon I see him being a part of the system.He is doing all, what he hated.He starts  working on the same lines as his peers were. 1^st he dreams of changing it and then consequently it changes him.I too feel sometimes I am not a god damn loser.Although I realize it everytime I see myself in front of mirror with open eyes.The time here is slow and I can see I need something to go on.Sometimes it is long lost thngs I have been passionate about,sometimes its that craziness that keeps me alive,Sometimes when people from the other world came in here or I interact with some damn old people I knew from past .They say u r still amazing, you can be out.That world has too much to offer to you.Again I will think about realizing my dreams,again that wind will become a whirlwind,again I will start seeing those agonies fails. I will try to take a ounce of fresh air in my breath. Try looking at the greener side of things but this system will cling me again.It will make me feel what you are here, you cannot be in outer world.It will make me realize that all those things I see like opportunities and possibilities are nothing but a mirage.Its not there.I am here the best.Will make me again stick to it, Will make  me realize that I cant be anywhere else here.This world dont want me to get out coz everyone here has been bound by chains and they don’t want to see a link go lose breaking this chain. That’s sheer politics I know and I am the victim.An open book has closed.I am getting up the ladder myself.I have been a murderer and I am now paying up for this and the one whom I muredered is no one else than myself.And I know and I realize that I cant make it to the outside anymore as the me in myself is dead long back. I do have long nights.Sometimes so long to make me realize its dawn after dusk and I didn’t realized it happen.Nights which are dark enough to soak all the tears I shed, Nights that are long enough to be termed never ending.

But the truth is that I know this is what all the outer world knows about this place.I know when I will cease this darkenss and it wont prevail.I will make the world realize some day that some birds are not meant to be caged and they will fly away as the time comes.Hope is a good thing may be the best of thing….

Not "The One"

Sunsets pass in despair
Mornings pass in hope

Days are just a routine

Between sunrise and sunset

With hopelessly hopeless hopes

With aimlessly aimless aims

The reasoning between uncountable ifs and buts

The logic behind unchallenged no’s and painful denials

I know the problem was with me

I exceeded my expectations...

Invictus

I have been writing for some 10 years now. Writing is the only solace to my troubled mind. I was addicted to reading since my childhood days with the Treasure Island by R.L Stevenson being one of my favourite read. I was in 10th standard or so when I read somewhere that the character of Long John Silver was inspired by William Ernest Henley. During that time only while reading his works I found this epic work not written but minutely crafted by a brilliant brain. This work has inspired me over the time. Invictus meaning "unconquerable" or "undefeated" in Latin, is the very idea of life. Life can be lived, relished, cheered, enjoyed but is above all sorrows, miseries and fall outs. Few years back i saw a movie with the same title and it was the first time i got to know that this poem was the source of inspiration in the life of one of the wizards of our era, one who gave his entire life for the cause of his country, a brave heart called  Nelson Mandela.

                                                                       

 Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

  

I have my own interpretation of this poem. I don't know what he meant when he wrote this. But for me this poem describes life in the most pristine form, the different colours of life, the emotions of a soul, the free flowing human spirit, the story of human survivability, the story of every win against odds. I too believe that good and bad are just the states of human mind. Its all about how you react to, how you work upon any situation that decide the outcome of an event. Life is a blank canvas, its you who can put colours to it. Just pour all colours over it, in whatever design pattern you wish, the end result will always be beautiful. Always remember its not the end, if you are dissatisfied with your life. Every life do have a happy ending... :)
So just be yourself and live everyday like there will be no tomorrow. Just be good to your motives and honest in your intentions. Life will return you all one day.